Daddy diary
15 Dec 03
Genevieve was born six days ago, and already Marilee and I are developing a first-time parent routine for accomplishing both familiar and unfamiliar tasks. There is no routine to cuddling or staring at our daughter. Between Marilee and myself, I am the one with limited experience with newborns.
My daughter is healthy, of average weight and length, and to my eyes she is tiny, with unimaginable little fingers. I thought her digits would be pudgier, with the creases poorly defined, and not in proportion to adult hands. I was surprised to see long, delicate fingers with complex knuckle creases attached to a well-formed hand. On the night of her birth I must have told everyone I saw how amazing were her perfectly manicured fingernails, slightly more reddish-purple than her fingers.
For my wife, who delivered Genevieve via normal vaginal birth, there have been daily recovery milestones. Today's celebration was the wearing of footwear other than loosened tennis shoes, as the water retention from the final trimester diureses. Marilee, aware that her body will never be quite the same, nonetheless is ecstatic at the return of some of her "former body."
Last night my wife took the first diaper change, so I had the gift of sleeping five hours in a row. Six days into fatherhood, I am lucky to have a child that usually sleeps when not feeding or getting her diaper changed. This is no worse than final exam week, and in many ways less stressful. We are blessed to have the ability to provide health care, shelter, food and lots of love to our daughter.
16 Dec 03, Tuesday
Notes for dads about breastfeeding wives:
1. Post-partum, day three or four is likely to be the worst. Milk has not come in yet, baby has not figured out how that nipple works, and mom is frazzled because nothing is working. Be prepared to be highly supportive on this day. (This was the most useful advice I received from another dad, given to me a couple of days in advance so that I could remember it!)
2. There are opportunities to be an active partner in the early stages of breastfeeding--it is a four handed job early on, and once latched on, mom may need something but not be willing to risk moving. My new animal totem is the gopher.
3. No cow jokes unless your wife offers them first, and even then at your own risk.
17 Dec 03
Things to try with a cranky infant at 2 a.m.:
Set her on top of a clothes washer or dryer and run a load of clothes. Stay with her to insure safety.
Things to NOT try with a cranky infant at 2 a.m.:
If your child calms favorably while perched atop these vibrating labor saving devices, resist the urge to duct tape her to the appliance for an hour while you get your first hour of sleep for the night. Yes, this thought will occur to you.
Notes for dads about breastfeeding wives, continued:
4. New breastfeeding positions are best tried when mom is well-rested.
26 Dec 2003
I do most of the diaper changing Marilee does all of the breast feeding. That's how we divide some of the tasks here. For a while, I thought it would be cool if men could breast feed, but then I thought about the inconveniences of larger (than men's) breasts that I've heard from so many women over the years and realized I enjoy the happy-go-lucky low maintenance male version of useless breasts.
We don't offer Genevieve a pacifier yet, so as to make sure she gets used to momma's nipple, so to calm her I sometimes offer her my clean pinkie finger. It was quite a surprise first time I did this. Babies have vigorous suction, beyond what I thought such a little body could sustain.
30 Dec 2003
Ooo, not too much sleeping going on here. Genevieve has gas, or other aches, and cries in spurts. Usually, this happens in the evening or overnight.
Footie pajamas are my favorite baby clothing. One simple outfit, no socks to struggle to put on only to pick up off the floor later (unless the dogs see it first-yummy!), and it keeps baby warm. I prefer the kind with the snaps down both legs. If you have one leg that doesn't open, it is sometimes a struggle to get that leg in. Zippers are right out, for partly aesthetic, partly practical reasons. The practical is that zippers lock from the foot up to the chin, but when I change a diaper I want to leave the top half on and unfasten and peel up the bottom half. This way, at least the top of baby stays warm. Also, zippered outfits don't seem to be as well made.
Genevieve went to the pediatrician yesterday, and weighed in at seven pounds, twelve ounces, having gained seven ounces in six days. I enjoyed what may be our last peds visit not involving illness or vaccinations for some time to come.
My parents left town yesterday. It was great to have their company and their assistance. Mom helped to calm Genevieve, did laundry and helped in the kitchen. Dad helped put up family pictures, and fixed and assembled the rocking horse from the Standifer's. It was also great to see Dad after his recent illnesses and pacemaker installation. He looked in good health, was able to go on short walks (less than one mile), and had good energy throughout the day.
6 January 2004, Tuesday
I never really thought very much about the cheerleading aspect of parenthood. I encourage her in burping, hiccoughing, eye contact, passing gas, and anything else see can do. Imagine how I’ll be when she is in sports or music or whatever.
Genevieve has a liking for Frank Sinatra music. When she gets her evening fussies, we crank up Ol’ Blue Eyes and dance the foxtrot, and she calms fairly quickly.
8 January 2004, Thursday
On January 3, Genevieve developed her first tears, noticed while crying during a diaper change (of course). The next day, we noticed that her left eye was goopy, and read that was a function of the duct in the inner corner of the eye that drains away tears not being fully developed. This is normal, and can take up to a year to fully develop.
She occasionally will track my face from side to side, and a little bit up to front. She is awake more hours now than her first week, though I don’t know how many. She occasionally coos to herself, awake and alert, moving her limbs and looking around. She responds to loud sounds, and sleeps well in noisy public places. On her second day, she was already lifting her head 45 degrees for a few seconds while on her belly. She can currently hold her head unsupported, though with not much control. Marilee has noticed her smiling a little bit.
25 Jan 2004, Sunday
Genevieve now repeatedly smiles when she is content and in reaction to positive stimulus from us (such as smiling at her or making funny noises of faces). Rebecca is here with her two 3-year olds, and they are a handful, especially Ellie, who will instigate chasing and shouting at the dogs.
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